D I R T Y P R E S T O N

Craigslist

piece of shit CAT — $5

Date: 2004-03-06, 11:50AM PST

This is the shittiest cat you could ever be cursed with. He’s an indeterminate age, but acts like the rowdiest teenager you could ever have. Hates being petted, will scratch furniture and will fuck up your carpet with his claws, will get and stay underfoot while you are trying to get shit done. Not scared of the vacuum.

Will not play with any toys you buy him, so don’t bother. Will not use scratching post. One pristine condition scratching post comes with, no extra charge.

Four lifetime supplies of catnip, which he will not touch, no extra charge.

Crappy attitude and extra shedding ability included free.

Get him out of my house before I kill him. This cat sucks, and I want him gone. Come on, cat lovers, you know you want him. You can CHANGE him. Sure. Just get him out of my house.

Oh, he’s black with green eyes, medium size, and he fucking SUCKS.